It doesn't seem right that life should go on after a death. And yet here I am, waiting for Brian to come home so he can take us to the Emergency Vet and have her body cremated. I was buying a box for her ashes when I came home and found her. I had just been to her regular vet but I got there at 5:03 and they closed at 5:00. I was going to make an appointment to have her put to sleep. I couldn't stand watching her lie there just barely alive. Now I can't look at her lying there dead. I put a towel over her so I don't have to see her. I want to hold her but I would have to look at her face and I can't do that. So while I wait for Brian I sit and cry. And now I write in here, to take up time. I feel guilty even though I know there wasn't anything else I could do for her. I know she's better off, but I already miss her so much. She used to comfort me when I cried. I can't believe it was only a few weeks ago that she was sleeping on my pillow and purring in my ear and playing in my hair. She was the softest cat I've ever felt. That's why her name was Satin. She was spoiled. She was a princess and she knew it. She thought she was Brian's girlfriend, and she always got jealous of us. She was my baby. And now she's gone.

last - next

I can't believe - 11.22.2006
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