you can't judge a teacher by her diary
I feel I need to kind of counter what some people think of me. It's been a rough past few weeks, and I've realized that quite a few people are getting the wrong impression about me. I noticed that one person put me on their favorite diaries list, but mentioned that I hate and resent kids, which is not really true, as I enjoy most of my kids. There are really only about 10 (out of 140, which I think is pretty good that there are really that few) that I have absolutely no patience with. Anyway, I wrote this in response to the comment, and I feel the need to let everyone see how I feel (after spending a wonderful today with Brian at Islands of Adventure and Cirque du Soleil -- a much-needed getaway). This was my response:
"I appreciate that you list me as one your favorite diaries, but you've got me wrong. I don't hate or resent children. I love children, that's why I went into teaching. I try to make learning as much fun as possible for my kids, but unfortunately I am not teaching the age level or subject matter that would be ideal to me. (I want to teach high school Literature) It's a lot harder than you think it is to try to fight to teach kids who really, truly don't want to learn. And my ranting is part of my personality -- not because of the kids; I rant about the way people drive, the things that are wrong with the government, etc. If you haven't realized that is part of who I am and it's not because I'm a mean person, then you don't know me well enough to judge what kind of teacher I am. Most of my students like me and like my classes."
The people who have been reading my diary for a while know that I like to complain. The people who know me personally know this even better. But that's how I get through difficult situations (and I think a first year of teaching is a difficult situation for anyone). My kids very rarely see this side of me, and I would never tell a child that I didn't like him or her. There's only one kid I actually do despise, but because he laughs in my face and tells me I can't make him do anything when I try to discipline him. I think that would make anyone dislike a person. The other nine (as I mentioned above) I just don't have patience with because they misbehave so frequently. I would never, and could never, intentionally hurt a kid (physically or emotionally), even though I may write it in here or say it to my family. I say it to get my frustrations out. Same with the complaining. I quite often bite my tongue at work, not just to keep myself out of trouble, but because I'm dealing with children (even though a big part of the problem is that they don't think they are). So I have to take out my frustrations somewhere, and where better to do it?
Besides, like so many people have said about their own diaries... it is, in fact, MY diary, and I can put what I want in it. If you don't like what I write, don't come back. But you can't judge a book by its cover, and you can't judge a teacher by her diary.
I can't believe - 11.22.2006
life sucks - 11.19.2006
alone and unhappy - 11.14.2006
please don't let it end - 10.15.2006
nothing to wear - 08.28.2006
Today I feel
Everyone else feels