it's not real if you don't think about it
I worked at Small World all day today. Well, I started at Ariel's Grotto this morning, but I was only there for ten minutes and then I got bumped to Small World and it just happened that I was there for the rest of the day. That's one thing I like about working in Fantasyland. I work at five different attractions, so each day is different. Like yesterday I worked mostly at Philharmagic, which by the way, officially opened on Wednesday. It's really neat and if you go to the Magic Kingdom, make sure you go see it. It's basically a 3-D movie, but it's the best one I've ever seen. Oh, but don't go on a Thursday or the weekend if you can help it. Locals and other Floridians go to Disney on the weekends, and Thursday is MK's "Extra Magic Hour" day, when the guests who stay in the Disney resorts get into the park an hour early. That goes for any park. If you are planning on going to a Disney park, find out which days are the early bird days for that particular park and don't go there. It's always packed. Tuesday and Saturday are the Disney-MGM Studios' days, and I don't know about Epcot and Animal Kingdom.
I'm just kind of rambling now. Maybe I'm just trying to not talk about my grandma. It really bothers me to see old ladies with white hair at work. I want to go up to their families and tell them to cherish the time they have left. I want one of them to turn around and be my grandma. I was looking at a picture of her yesterday, the way she looked up until a few days before she went into the hospital, and that really bothered me too. Because that person is my grandma and she's the one I wanted to take to Disney when she got better. The person in the hospital bed wasn't the same person I grew up around. My grandma still lives with my uncle and likes to go to Perkins and Cracker Barrel, and has to eat at certain times and have sugar-free syrup because she's diabetic. I keep finding new things that we'll never need to do again, now that she's gone. It all happened so fast. She'll never see my children. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be depressing. And I thought I was done crying. Obviously I was wrong. I want to talk about it, but then I want to avoid it so I don't have to feel bad. Work is nice, because it keeps me busy and I don't think about it. I don't want to think about it, because I don't want it to be real. But I know I can only pretend for so long.
My other grandmother (my father's mother) has emphasema and Alzheimer's. My father's father died last year, and my mother's father died when she was nine. Pretty soon I won't have any grandparents at all. How's that for reality? I'm only 23. I always hoped my grandma would hold out until I was done with school. I guess I figured I would be able to handle it better then, or maybe that I'd be more ready for it then. Well, now it's "then" and I'm still not ready for it. Of course, I don't know if anyone can ever be ready for the death of a loved one, no matter how long you've been expecting it to happen.
I can't believe - 11.22.2006
life sucks - 11.19.2006
alone and unhappy - 11.14.2006
please don't let it end - 10.15.2006
nothing to wear - 08.28.2006
Today I feel
Everyone else feels