Brian and I had our first real "fight" today. Actually, I don't know if it really even was a fight. But I was mad, *really* mad, and I let him know it. But we didn't argue or anything, so maybe it was not a fight, just us getting upset at each other. I don't know. Anyways...

Brian was reading his email and I was sitting next to him when he opened one that was talking about him sending this guy a money order for $300 for some crappy old hot wheels cars. I flipped. Like we have that kind of money to blow. Well, he said he wouldn't buy them, and he had to go to work, so soon after that he left.

Well, after he left I kept getting madder and madder and then I opened up his email and found out he had been planning it for a few weeks, and never planned on telling me. So I called him at work and got really angry at him for not only sneaking around but also for even considering spending $300 without mentioning it to me first. Then I started crying and he said he was busy and had to go but that only made me cry more, and pretty soon he just hung up. I had never felt so angry at him (I think I've only gotten angry at him one other time) and it was a horrible feeling, thinking that he had betrayed my trust and now he had hung up on me. And it was not like Brian at all. It just wasn't something he would do, which scared me because it was something all my stupid ex-boyfriends would have done and I was afraid he was actually really like them, but just really good at hiding it.

I considered calling him back, but figured it wouldn't solve anything. All of his Hot Wheels cars are lined up on two of our shelves and my emotions got the better of me. I took my arm and swept it across one of the shelves, knocking them all off, some clear across the bedroom. Not that it solved anything either. It made me feel better for a minute, but I had to fix our problem, not add to it, so rather than knock the rest of them off the other shelf, I went over to his work.

I was really glad I did. We talked for a long time, and we held each other and cried and we both apologized (him for sneaking around behind my back and for hanging up on me, and me for knocking the cars off the shelf). He promised he wouldn't buy the cars and tried to explain why he had thought it was okay (it was a "good deal") and I explained why he can't just go around throwing out $300, especially to some guy off the internet that he didn't know. He said he hung up because he was getting upset and didn't want to start to cry at work, so he had to hang up. I believe him. That is something he would do.

Everything is pretty much okay now, we both agreed that our relationship was more important than some stupid cars, and I went home and put all the hot wheels back on the shelf. Then I went to get him some McDonald's.

Getting upset at each other really sucks while it's happening, but afterwards we always feel like we're so much closer and stronger. I guess the thought of losing each other makes us realize how much we mean to each other.

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